Having a random hookup so left but love u
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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