no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
