You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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