who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
