Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
