I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
