Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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