I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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