Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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