What did we do last night that was yellow?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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