If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
