We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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