Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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