I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
