i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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