You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
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I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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