Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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