I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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