we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
