Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
