Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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