I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
