I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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