I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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