Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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