Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The uberlube is also flammable
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
why is half of my head shaved?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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