so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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