I think my vagina is haunted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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