new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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