Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
