so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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