I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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