At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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