You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
