My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
two words...techno handjob
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
