Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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