erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
