doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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