dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
