my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
