He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
