um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
