You're completely useless in the revolution.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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