I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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