why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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