Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
