I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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