You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
