I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
