i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
