Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
