Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry my hands just texted you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
