too bad you live with your parents still
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
