he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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