Sry I called you an 8
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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