so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
