I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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