Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
