operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
