Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
