She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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