Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
