How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
