Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
